The School of Life - 2017-04-26
We have a very close sense of the stages of development of small children. But what about adults? How do we keep developing once we are ‘grown up’? And what are the key stages of development? If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/uTwLbM Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/tSv50w FURTHER READING “The business of growing up is something we normally think comes to a close when we get to 16 or so – and finally turn into those fully finished products: adults. Up until then, our growth is the subject of quite a lot of collective fascination. Twentieth-century psychology, beginning with the work of the Swiss clinician Jean Piaget, pioneered an approach to child development that meticulously identified and labelled every principal stage an average infant might go through on the developmental journey of its earliest years...” You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/CcJQka MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/pCOqTs Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Alice Dunseath https://vimeo.com/user2681788 http://www.alicedunseath.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife
People always praise SoL narrator, but I also wanted to thank the artists who put up such videos. Transitions between scenes are originally done and videos are very cute! Thanks! Not even sure how you can draw so many cool videos in such little amounts of time between each video.
900th like!!!
from where are you ?
Lithuania
Hag personally, i barely can tolerate the narrator, but the information of this channel is gold.
Everyone grows old. Not everyone grows up.
very well said
Adult milestones:
-dealing with the death of your grandparents
-dealing with the death of your parents
-mutual breakup with no emotional outrage
-planing ahead more than a couple of weeks at a time
-putting someone else well being before your own.
This is amazingly true, and indeed the hardest part is that one has to discover it by oneself. Personally, after highschool, achievement and self-motivation became gradually non-existent . But around my 25th birthday, I came to realize that I was meant to be the one in charge of that; responsible for stating my own parameters, the judge of my success and failures, even the one responsible for defining them as such. It may sound simple, but it's not (at least for me it was really, really hard) but that's how I've managed to finally continue growing up after 7 years of stagnation. Sometimes I think of it as the burden of freedom, it's definitely worth it.
24 turning 25 was exactly the time that this clicked for me. It felt ridiculously simple and yet it had eluded me up until then.
Paul NJ something really shifts around 34.
@Alfredo Alfaro ALFREDO!!!
@Mike Harrington What's up man?
Spot on. I plunged into alcoholism at 16 and was struggling until confirming the existence of my daughter earlier this year. That stuff.. realizing that you can receive unconditional love by your own flesh and blood that may be responsible for one day, really forced me to change. Lots of lessons are being learned at 24. My kid saved my life.
18 or 16 was always a silly measure to note that someone was an adult for me. Heck, there are plenty of "adults" out there not worthy of the title, Elder.
I don't even understand why anyone would say you're an adult while you're still a teen or even in your early 20s... Like wtf bruh idgaf if 18 is adult l call myself a kid 100% if I wanna it's my life I control myself no one else controls me I do what I want... Easy as that
Nina Yamada Don't worry. You're not even fully mentally developed until around 25. Even after that the brain continues to produce new brain cells even in old age. There's plenty of time for you to grow.
@Aestaetic Edits Hey, did you hit the wall of reality yet, son? :-)
Martin Mollerup Wow I made that comment 2 years ago and looking back at the way I worded it I’m cringing. But I’m 20 now and the truth is I still don’t feel anywhere near being an adult 😂
@Aestaetic Edits I am 20 too, and I feel the same :-)
I'm 30. I'm still waiting to "feel" like a grown-up. I just don't think I have enough of a handle on things to call my self that and mean it. Even saying the phrase "I'm an adult" feels weird. I still have a lot of the same issues I was having at 15.
Then you need to grow up, and i hope you have since you made this comment.
Not just growing up but eternally changing. I try to remind people of this, think of yourself as a wave not a fixed point, eternally moving and finding new balance, the I you call yourself today was not that of a year or ten ago. Yet many have the idea that "people do not change". I suppose it is probably because of this it results in few learning to be able to grow positively in character from external problems. Many just become more fixed in their own identity and stubborn in their beliefs, they do themselves an injustice to never improve upon themselves. I being 24, but having suffered a tumour the past three years have changed, grown in wisdom and complexity, and am far better managed to lifes problems than ever before. I have seen my father, a workaholic for 23 years able to take a break, take a step back and appreciate life before he had thrown all his away. I saw my grandfather who passed away at the end of last year, able to change only in the last few months, allowing his guard to be lowered that had not his whole life previously. If only he had this knowledge years before his deathbed rather than months he could have had much better relationships with everyone for years. A tree may look stationary to you at a point, but it is always growing. And even in death it never stops changing form.
Step 1: Like the Video
Step 2: Watch the Video
Step 3: Write comment thanking SoL
Step 4: Apply principles to life
Elias Fulthorp The 4th step is the hardest.
Step 5: Realize that the steps you have taken did not work.
Step 6: Spend a few weeks in anguish and depression, desperately trying to trace all of your actions in hopes of understanding what went wrong and why your life still sucks.
Step 7: Suicide attempt. (Well, that escalated quickly)
Step 8: Discover that you didn't put an exclamation mark at the end of your comment thanking SoL.
You like videos before watching? lol
Step 9: Don't acually do step 4
Step 5: Judge people who do don't have these principles.
What happens if you're Peter Pan
What if you're the Flash?
Matthew Morrison go and run from here
Get outa here Chris.
Here's the answer you're looking for https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqCzsw6LyjA
Arrested development
school of life, i just wanted to let you know that i adulted today and applied for a job at Chipotle. no one seems to care because I'm a research student at a university but my research doesn't pay :(
derreze jackel but do you feel accomplished? imo, you should, because you made a productive step towards solving your problem of not having money due to the wagelessness of being a student. people may downplay the "worth" of the position, being fast food, but there are still plenty of people who have no jobs or any past experience or even any effort made towards employment. there may be people who are "better" than you, but there are also people out there worse off than you.
the key is to care for yourself and find pride in your own accomplishments. the thing about adulthood is that people are generally focused on their own shit - good or bad - and aren't going to be giving or receiving the same kind of external feedback that one gets as a child - that's the staggering difference. you become your own sole motivator and congratulator.
I think that my mom is a big reason for my anxiety. When I was growing up I was pretty much a selective mute in school. I was scared to talk to people, and I have no idea why this developed, but I was known as the girl who didn't talk. My mom never tried to get me help, instead she shamed me and called me backwards and a "zombie". When I started staying home from school she would yell and scream at me, or physically drag me out of bed. It only made me more introverted. Even now as a 20 year old, I can't handle jobs where I'm surrounded by people. My girlfriend is supportive of me, but my mom just doesn't understand. She makes me feel like shit about my future. I feel like I would be a lot more emotionally developed if she gave me the support and help I needed as a kid.
TheVeganWolf it's worse that your gay and think wolf's can be vegan but I hope she doesn't hate you but she has reasons Like I said wolf's can't be vegan but you are her daughter
TheVeganWolf not everybody has supportive and competent parents, unfortunately. think about it this way, though - as you are the product of your upbringing, she is also the product of her upbringing. i don't mean this as a way of excusing anything, but thinking about the objective facts behind how shit has played out up until this moment has always been helpful for me. we're shaped by how we were raised and the era and culture we came of age in (for example, your mother might be from a time/culture/upbringing that saw mental health and treatment as low priority and was not equipped for such issues), but how our lives turn out is from our own personal decisions and what we choose to do with what we were dealt (your mother might've been to proud to seek out the help of more educated people and chose to prioritize her pride over making constructive steps towards helping her child).
so, while you were dealt with a shitty, negligent mother, you still have the personal option of finally being your own advocate and seeking that outside help - such as from talk therapy.
TheVeganWolf another thing is that you need to mourn the absence of an emotionally supportive mother and the absence of what "could have been" so that you can move forward without that shit weighing you down. it's a matter of acceptance - which is a lot harder than the single word implies. but life is continual work, a never ending process. in this case, the work is towards acceptance of the past and building upon yourself in the present.
Try therapy. If you cannot afford it, get books on it and self-practice. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's doable. The sooner you start the better you will be later on. Practice and develop emotional resilience. And remember: you are not forced to take anything that others give you (emotionally) - same applies with your mother.
I recommend CBT book with exercises: Emotional Resilience by Dr. Harry Barry.
you need to move out of your mom's house,and never look back.and you need to get for your self a good therapist.your mom is real shit,you need to find your self a new mom.or a new role model.
how does one start solving emotional issues that one has acquired because of childhood or some other stuff in early years of development?
The four agreements. a book you should absolutely read.
Freal tho
Sharlock93: you sound to me like you are making a good start to understanding yourself, which is everything. I would like to recommend a book I recently discovered through a different YouTube channel called Complex PTSD, by Pete Walker. He has a website too. It is the most specific and accurate description I have ever seen of how it feels as an adult to have had childhood trauma. He then gives a breakdown of how he processed it. It's fairly new, and I understand, rather groundbreaking.
How are you getting on?
In my experience it's most important to get whatever's lingering within you out of yourself. For me Journalling worked wonders, after only a year of Journalling I am a completely different person and my journal is full of wisdom, because I reflected on everything I wrote and tried to find practical steps to better my life in the aspects that I was suffering. Another thing I've done more and more often is just filming myself and then talking to the camera, as if it was a good friend. I found it to get more out of me compared to Journalling, even though not as structured. Watching back these videos and reading my journal entries is one of the most amazing things now.
Also, I really really suggest you check out tony Robbins (amazing documentary "I'm not your guru" is on YouTube, plus podcasts plus interviews plus books etc.
And, if you are seriously ready to have your life changed and truly face your demons, you might want to look into psychedelic drugs, like ahayuasca, shrooms, lsd or even mdma. They are the most powerful tool, however they do require a lot of research in order to make for the best possible experience.
Wish you all the best! ❤️
Sharlock93 psycho therapy
That's why it's key to introspect yourself and master your emotions and psychology.
what is why?
How would one do so?
Plot Twist:
Since 1989 there have not been any new adults.
Because after 1989 pareting failed and what is to grown up became a corrupted idea, it's not that after this point people simply were born incapable of growing up, but because this kind of wisdom was partially lost... also the things that come with the adult life (economical independence and so on) became harder to achieve. The cause of it is as much as in the ones that came before as it is in the ones that are growing now.
Also... i wouldn't say that people before it were masters of growing up, one might say that the majority just accepted being an adult as having a job... this is only the consequence of it... not the whole point.
From the thumbnail I can tell that this video is going to be demonetised 😂
It's my 26th birthday today and I can still feel the 4 year old in me. Strange and sad at the same time.
Candy Cat In my own opinion, that’s a sign you are in touch with your playfulness which cultivates creativity. So don’t lose it. Just manage it in a grown up way.
can you do an episode on having a hard moment in life and it's different results on each person
Selamun aleykum Ahmed. If you wish, you can watch the following talk on TED's website. I've found it very helpful:
" Andrew Solomon: How The Worst Moments In Our Lives Makes Us Who We Are".
Best wishes:-)
Watch dr Jordan Peterson
The "now" at the end was a bit creepy...
can you please make a video about stress? The video "How to remain calm with people" has made a big impact in handling stress. Thank you! <3 This is my favorite channel on youtube.
I can tell you one trick, you are taking this shit too seriously, think about the pale blue dot floating in the vast space, think about our history, evolution and why we came up to be so, and think about all the alternatives, and recognize that it was just a coincidence. If you don't know yet, learn more about science and what it means in terms of free will, evolution, etc. Recognize that it is not about you, and actually the self, you are just an illusion. I hope this helps :)
By the way, for a long term solution, and not to face these problems in the first place, please learn about the Resource Based Economy as well :)
"Stress" is really just a re-brand of the word "fear" in the specific situation of bad performing in things like work/studies/school and social life. Fear of inadequacy in any area of our life is pretty common and one has to confront these fears and work through them like any other fear.
Hello Maria! The man who coined the term stress, Dr. Hans Selye says:
" Only dead man have no stress".
It may sound depressing, but it is also consoling somehow. I once watched a documentary on youtube called " Stress: The Portrait of a Killer". It shows the work of the world famous zoologist, Robert Sapolsky who studied this phenomena on baboons. We aren't much different from them you know...
As for the solution, what really, really helps is Mindfulness meditation. You can watch a short lesson about this from Yale University if you search for:
" Human Emotion 18.2: Emotions and Health II (Mindfulness)"
The professor there, June Gruber, recommends the guided meditation podcasts from UCLA that you can download for free. Just search in Itunes for:
UCLA Hammer Meditation.
There are several episodes. You can start with one of these:
Deepen your concentration
Using Meditation anchor
Best wishes:-)
Lua Veli Is that the Stanford University professor?
Good morning Alicia. If you mean Robert Sapolsky , yes he is. I am addicted to a podcast called " The 7th Avenue Project". They have a great episode with Sapolsky if you wish to listen. Have a nice Sunday:-)
Grown ups are just silly children
Adults are just big kids playing pretend. Pretending to be adults when they need to be :)
"Kids entertain themselves to stay away from boredom. I bore my self to avoid being distracted."
This type of smarts isn't as popular as academic smarts, etc. No one seems to care how mentally grown up you are. Just how much money you make or who is the loudest one in the room, is the one who comes up on top. Sad, for humanity's sake.
When you develop your self personally, it doesn't matter if others take note of it. You become above and beyond this need for approval.
JoKing No, the loudest and richest don't come on top inherently; the brightest and most assertive (with some agression) do. Shy sheep like yourselves don't understand. You have to be intelligently "loud," not loud for the sake of being loud. I have given speeches to over 2000 people at once about diverse topics and gotten awards and a fully paid scholarship to Yale. I was never shy when it came to challenging myself to competitions, be it math, programming, languages, or art. I am always speaking, writting, putting people in their place when necessary, and much more, not only in academic settings, but also work and normal life. May I mention I was very poor, too? Mediocrity will always try to find excuses for mundaneness and misery.
Lastly, stop trying to seek the approval of everyone - that makes you weak and easy to control. Once you realize what you truly are - and unfortunately, most people don't, which is why they are sheep trying to find someone to identify themselves without realizing it'll never happen - then life becomes blissfully simple. Do problems go away? No, but the superficial ones do.
PS: Your naive comment contradicts your belief of being "mentally grown up." I had your beliefs when I was 13.
Lmao. For someone who has supposedly given "speeches" you obviously don't know how to reach your audience. You think Assuming I'm a shy sheep will make me want to listen to anything you say? You know nothing of my field of expertise and even less of my varied life experiences, and it's quite obvious I'm not afraid to rebuttal a presumptive fool. Your supposed accolades have obviously not earned you any breakthroughs in human decency.
women go after a range of traits in men, dangerous is one, so are the emotional unavailable, resource stable, funny/intellegent, good looking/beautiful and or physical condition. Having multiple desirable traits such as these are what women go for, not just one or the other. This is why some men are more sought after then others. Pretty simple
forgot to had self-confidence my bad :P
How to keep growing: Keep posting comment on every channel :3
Now you grow even more up due to my new surprise comment.
parents going through midlife crisis. perfect timing mate
I'm 50, and I grew up for a while, but I'm not sure if it was time well spent. I'm rethinking the whole thing.
Ming Mongo Stop dwelling on the past, have no regrets and move forward.
inb4 people comment they don't want to 'grow up' means being boring and monotonous and colorless of life, instead the video is stressing out that 'growing up' is a constant journey of self-improvement.
It is therefore true that Peter Pan doesn't 'grow up' because he has 'chosen' not to grow up, meaning he chooses not to: take responsibility for his actions, not care of other people's opinions, not seek to improve himself or the situation of others around him, etc. And that is what this video is stressing about: that we still all have the power to 'grow up', to literally grow upwards beyond the constraints put on us by our parents' shortcomings, or of our childhood's limitations.
like ya avatar, it's like the protector of your child-side in yourself, no matter what age you reach :)
I think you mean "not" caring about what other people feel rather than their opinion on you.
Why grow up when I can as a 'man' stay in my parents basement doing my 'gamer' studies!
And loving it-
... and this is what I write about 5 years into college without a specified major ><
I live in my parents basement, and never call myself a 'man'. And what's wrong with not being a man anyway?
Does everyone have to live your life?
+MJW238 you got sexy abs tho lol
Lovin it.... until your parents die and there`s nobody to support you anymore.
You can! Seach it on google or youtube. Hang with your arms in 10 minutes a day and you will be some inches higher after a while
I love that the drawings of woman have body hair. Another reason to love The School of Life! :)
"People make mistakes, and that's okay. It's part of growing up; and you never really stop growing."
Having an eyegasm with the illustrations and animation of this video. Good work peepz!
HELP!! Could someone explains to me the meaning of ''cheerful despair'' (I'm English learner)
Thankssss!
hi everyone, I'd love to hear what experiences/personal failures/moments in your life enabled you to grow emotionally :) I feel like we don't talk about it enough, I'm tired of defining our growth as getting a university degree or buying a first car :)
Grell Sutcliff In my early twenties 20-24 I was still immature and made the mistake of not taking my job seriously and getting fired multiple times (no one respects that), talking to the wrong types of men "boys " (date someone who is going to help you grow), and smoking the wrong drugs that I over dosed on at 19(hang out with the right crowd and take care of your health). I always struggled with anxiety then developed ocd. (don't judge others because you never know what they might be going through) Having a baby (you realize the sacrifice your parents made, be a good parent and love your parents) In the moment you don't think about anything but once the bad moments pass yo u reflect and that's what helps you grow.
I feel like my parents pampered me too much that I haven't been able to grow strong and independent. Now, 24, and jobless, it scares me to think if I'm unemployable... But I push on, simply because I have a loving, supportive girlfriend whom I love very much, and would wish to spend the rest of my days with. She helps inspire me to realize I'll need to grow so we could have a chance at supporting a serious family in the future.
Spending a year in Ghana made me realize a whole lot of things about life, three of the most important ones being that a) there is endless potential to how to live life and every person or culture represents a tiny fragment of all these possibilities, b) our cultural conditioning runs much deeper than we might think BUT there is something in humans that goes beyond that - and if you can connect with someone on that deeper level, there's going to be a very special bond that makes all the cultural (or personal) differences look meaningless. c) Don't judge. Observe first. Then realize that there is no need to judge (still working on that).
Spending two years in an emotionally abusive relationship made me rethink my life in a more personal way. I learned that you attract people and relationships that represent your own inner condition. So I have to be happy with my own company before I enter a relationship or else I will always expect my partner to make me happy which will always lead to emotional pain. Everybody is responsible for how they handle their emotions, it's not okay to blame anyone for your own actions.
Depression has taught me that seeking help can work wonders. You can get over even the darkest of times in life, there is always a way. I learned how to monitor my emotions and needs and take good care of myself. I also realized that my thoughts and emotions can be deceptive, they change every day so they can't be who I really am. It's good to accept and welcome them like visitors but it's essential to remember that there is something in every person that goes beyond thought and emotion. (I am now into meditation, eyploring that sense of inner peace and awareness).
Finally, one thing I have learned over all these experiences is that I am in charge of my own life and that can actually feel good. I am free to decide not to succumb to the pressure society puts on us. I have made my physical and mental health my priority and I live with very little money at the moment but I am happier than ever before in my life.
Thank you for this well-written video. That same thing happened to me when I was 33. Kind of cheery, though. For people who have normal life spans, there are milestones of decline.
When I was four I was already mature like I could do everything I was already in primary school
Can you do an episode on pets? Bonding/deep attachment, unconditional love, psychological development, family/fur babies, compassion/sympathy, venerability/understanding, so forth.
Thanks
I love the fact that the drawing style changed when the kid got older at 1:10 .
That's actually the development of how kids learn to draw people.
There is so much detail in this, I love it :D
"growing up becomes synonymous with getting a head" 😀
.
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I need to watch more videos on growing up😑
I never had an imaginary friend ... :(
Such a lovely video!
In my case, I feel I only really started growing up once I hit my twenties. Before that, I was way too fearful of other people's opinions: I stopped doing ballet because I was embarrassed about not being as flexible as the others, I stopped playing football when guys ridiculed me for it...
You need a certain amount of boldness and self-confidence to truly go out into the world and follow your passions. For many people, this only starts after puberty.
Let's all support taking up new passions or hobbies late, even if that means you might not become as perfect as a child prodigy would.
"Cheerful Despair"! YAY! :D
In my experience, one needs time to understand certain aspects their life. For eg., I needed a lot of time to understand and accept my position in life. When I was younger I usually judged myself harshly whenever things didn't go well. Now, I sit back and review my situation and try solving the problem with sensitivity. You need time and you should go through a lot of experiences to connect the dots. Even though watching YouTube videos such as these, life has to be deciphered by yourself. It unravels before you very slowly and you should enjoy that.
what im going through at the moment of learning more about myself and life
I love this
Finally someone pays attention to the internal revolutions of the late teens, twenties, and thirties!
Love your videos! SoL helps me grow. I enjoyed the animations in this one, and of course the content as usual ^_^
Love your videos! Headed over to the SoL store after your prompt and bought myself a confessions card game =D mega excited ^_^ keep up the good work guys =)
I've been pondering this idea for a long time. I love the way you explain it.
My five-year-old nephew has an imaginary dead sister. I am concerned.
This channel is beyond their time. People just want to be funny in the comments, and it works. Don't let that take away from the real messages in these videos!
I love this channel! This reminds me of a video I put out a couple of weeks ago. keep it up guys! You're way better at doing what I'm doing!
Nikifor Georgiev - 2017-04-28
Emotional growth:
- learning to understand and symphatise with oneself
- take proper stock of childhood influences
- communicate flaws and eccentricites to others in good time
- to interpret others beyond what they have directly said to us
- to recognise the hard edges of reality without being destroyed by them
- to accept one's need for consolation and assistance
- to achieve a necessary degree of confidence
- to know how to dispair without wholly giving up on existence