The School of Life - 2019-02-05
It sounds odd but there are times when we deliberately want to make our partner sad, not because we are evil, but because their cheeriness leaves us feeling abandoned and isolated. The dynamic isn't mature, but it's certainly worthy of analysis - and a little education. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/2LayJ9F For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2WDpRAh Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2G8iegr 2SaxBva FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2SohZUe “There is a kind of argument that begins with one partner deliberately – and for no immediately obvious reason – attempting to spoil the good mood and high spirits of the other. The cheerful partner may be cooking a cake for their visiting nephew or whistling a tune while they rearrange the kitchen. They may be making plans for the weekend or discussing what fun it will be to see an old school friend again soon. Or they may be expressing unusual optimism about their professional future and financial prospects.” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2RAko9D Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: 2SaxBva Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Peter Caires @peterlikesthis www.petercaires.com Title animation produced in collaboration with Vale Productions https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/
When my gf was off to vacation with her family, I was afraid her happiness might make her forget to keep giving me love via texting. But I didn't try to ruin her fun, instead I fully admitted my fear to her by telling her: "I am really happy, you have such an amazing time, my cutie, but pls never forget to love me very much, despite having perfect days without me :')"
And you know what? She made sure to let me be part of her joy and love for me everyday in a wonderful and lovely way. :')
Always address your feelings, desires and fears! :)
@Toxic Stoic okay TOXIC
@Chelsea Marina fk of k?
Toxic Stoic oh ok!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Awe that's so sweet ♡ being vunerable takes strength and maturity, you're a good person.
Needy bastard
I think school of life is secretly monitoring my life😐
Nah you’re just human. Super flawed but good at acting like you’re not and hating things that remind you lol. I’m with you.
And YouTube too x_x
yeah like every time i get through something there's an answer from the school of life)
Hahaha...
Maya lak You are not the only one loool
Negativity is the most addictive drug of all time. It's so sad to see people try and destroy people that they love for not even knowing what they're doing.
Mentor My Life
False: Love is far more addictive. Side affects suck though.
Mentor My Life
It’s more important to be open to the concept that we all are not “good people” but that we aim to be “Goodish” people.
So we can take feed back that this happens.
Negative energy is always a reflection of the insecurity of their own experience in life. ask them whats causing their emotions, don’t respond anger with anger.
I have that problem not with my partner, but with a co-worker. What do I do in an invironment where I can't talk openly and freely? I'm new and have in other situations noticed that he kind of lacks social skills and can't be trusted because he snaps when he has a bad day.
Anne Mehlfeld take your time, schedule a 1 on 1 talk with him and don’t blame him but talk from your own experience. ‘I have trouble with..’ dont attack him but think solutions.
Yup
yes, use the ,,set up.system,, , support, empathy, truth. it works.
simple... but best advice ever!!!
thanks bro.
Ya'll saying this is nonsense, are missing the point and being totally unaware of the times you've been the emotionally toxic one.
The whole point of the channel is to be aware of the myriad of emotions that play inside us. Not to take the high and mighty road. I've been both a victim of this and the one doing it but because of shows like this, it helps me take emotional accountability.
At some point in life, we're all going to experience something similar but it's good to have the knowledge before that time comes. That's the only point of these videos.
We're all human, and if one human can be a certain way then we all can. It just takes perspective and empathy to see that. We all have our variables.
Emotional accountability is key!
It's a bad thing to project our negativity onto others, but unfortunately, in that moment, we feel that is the best decision at that given time.
Alina Lopez, Alexis Texas, Remy Lacroix
Yet so many of us do... I was guilty of it for a long time. Now at least I'm aware of it and try to actually do something about it
This was a weird video. While I don’t think that people who do this are monsters, I just think that the reason they do this is more simplistic: they don’t know how to control or handle their emotions so they act them out. Toddlers do this all the time; temper tantrums. And when adults never fully emotionally develop for one reason or another (trauma, emotionally neglectful parents, or coddling parents) they often behave this way; blow up over small things, pick fights, nag, anything to gauge a reaction really.... For them, it’s much easier to displace an emotion, insecurity or a bad day on the partner than it is identify and own these uncomfortable feelings, and then communicate them. Usually these unstable partners see the more level-headed partner as a “safe space” and a bottomless pit of tolerance (kinda like a surrogate parent), and so they feel like they can act and say whatever they want and the partner will forgive them or try to figure out their emotions for them, compared to their friends or associates who will simply stop talking to them. It’s not just romantic relationships either, parents, friends and relatives can be the same way
I agree
We always hurt the ones we love because we can't hurt the ones we don't !
@Sabiha Sungur Yeah that may be OK for a while but eventually you need to set some boundaries
@discopumps but you actually can lol and it's really common
@O'SSÉIN well that along with the fact that people we know more are easier targets because we know their vulnerabilities
That's why there are so many emotionally distant people. Afraid to get hurt again so they either just push everyone away or keep others at bay
First thing came on my mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNZgUM542VI
I hate to admit it but this is me. I’ve done this so many times...
wow. At least I understand fully why I do it now. I always kind of knew, but having someone spell it out means now I can consciously remember this every time I am feeling insecure and alone while my partner is peppy and joyful.
It’s surprising I can be this way because I really want my partner to be happy. And his happiness has made me very happy too many times. But sometimes when I’m extra sad and my partner seems oblivious to it, I pick fights with him but really I just want his love and comfort. And at the moment, his joyfulness makes me feel so distant from him.
Communication! That’s the antidote. Get rid of that pride and ego, and communicate how vulnerable you/I feel.
Really true and I am surprised that many commentators have not picked up on it; and it applies it relationships outside of romantic ones, such as friends, co-workers and class mates. It happened to me badly at school for 2 years, I always felt different and unable to fit in and fely very lonely and hence frustrated and I particularly diskliked those who were TOO positive, i just hated it. All i wanted and needed were good friends.
This explains why my ex hated my high spirits...
If it was only understood that your high spirits was a Reflection of your determination to make it a priority to get through what ever negative moment you may have even been in at that very moment of being high spirited.
i think there's a point that it becomes toxic, so you're better off with someone who is able to handle you better.
People want you to be as miserable as they are. Dont let them
Yup
When we are feeling so bad inside of us so that we sometimes project that onto others.
I needed this video today. Cant even explain the timing of needing this.
If a normal person does this(not a vampire), it might be simply because he wants to lower partner's self-esteem, because he is insecure and scared if loosing the partner.
first last yes he said "he" i got ya
+first last yes, of course, I meant both genders. I thought that sometimes the masculine pronoun includes meaning of both if it's clear from the context. Definitely, it does not matter whether a man or a woman behaves like this, it is a common problem
Sometimes it isn't even about losing the partner, but the insecurity can sometimes stem from feeling that you can never be carefree or happy like your partner (in the present moment) and you will always overthink and/or be riddled with anxiety about life or certain situations and therefore, you lash out, not with fear, but envy.
is nobody going to bring up the vampire part?
@clint william no.
Huh, this one was quick and very insightful. Time to put some lessons to practice.
Cláudio R. Alina Lopez, Alexis Texas, melanie rios
I’m currently experiencing this thing with my bf. I was promoted at my work last week and he was quite happy for me at that time, but now he’s acting very cold, very “meh”-ish about everything 😒🙄😑 just like these emojis. He seems like he’s not very interested in our daily communication and physical contact (even hugs, he’s not even looking at me). I’m trying to make jokes/cook his favorite dishes/be merry and cheerful/be supportive but the situations doesn’t change. I feel myself like an empty space for him but I don’t show my feelings because he acts like he doesn’t care. Sorry for this I just have nobody to talk with about it (my friends and family think that I’m super lucky to have him). And sorry for my English – it’s not my even second language lol
Upd! We broke up. He said sometimes couples break up for no reasons. He said literally nothing: no reasons, no what was wrong! He said that at some point of our relationship he wanted to marry me. I knew something wasn’t right at all but I thought it was just crisis in our relationships that we ought to go through but obviously it was the break coming up. We were together for 5 years. I don’t need a guy who was afraid to marry me and who wasn’t afraid to say that he doesn’t love me anymore FOR NO FUCKING REASONS 🤬
Thank you all 🙌🏼 didn’t expect so much support
Iam interested in knowing what your first two languages are ?
I honestly think you should just say "you have been acting cold towards me lately, if you have something bothering you and you want to talk I'm willing to listen, (and genuinely listen, don't just argue) but if you aren't willing to talk then you need to act nicer towards me because it's unfair to be cold towards me."
Ask him what's wrong, communication is the only way to understand each other
Amany Abo-Aly Russian and Yakut
Damn you’re great
I always felt like this was such a manipulative trait I had
So instead of getting onto the cheerful train of your partner with them, you're too selfish, bitter, and party-poopery that you tie your partner with you on the train's tracks.
Everyone who suffer from low self esteem would trying to make his/her partner sad in order to receive more attention
Absolutely not!!! I don’t tolerate it! My spouse used to do this early on without noticing - not evil stuff just little household complaints at the top of the morning (when I’m generally on Cloud nine) ...
I also noticed during this time I was in my own world and not the most affectionate. It’s an unacceptable form of attention seeking in most cases to make a negative/naggy comment at the worst times. So I made a rule: NO menial shit, ever AND, I show some affection in the morning.
Girlfriend left me recently. We love each other, but we get miserable over time living together and I think we did what is shown in this video to each other fairly often.
She would often remark how I was so happy around friends, and why I would light up in the company of others. She would look physically uncomfortable being in the same room with me having a good time with a friend.
I became a pushover over time and would just be quick to agree with whatever she wanted from the relationship over time because putting forward my preferences would end the conversation due to her getting emotional all too often if it wasn't what she wanted.
Everything in the relationship were increasingly on her terms. Where and if we stayed together, what sexual positions we would do, what food and supplements I could buy (even for myself), wanted me to sell my computer and peripheries when it is a hobby of mine...man it just wears you down to a husk. I'm no angel, but I was never unfaithful, never rose my voice at her, never insulted her or made a joke at her expense.
Even though this is the second time she has left (physically and in partnership) my suggestion that we have our own space and try to work through this might help was shut down. It's her terms or nothing. Love fucks you up. I wish there was an off switch sometimes.
Same history with me :o
@VerneM let's hug it out stranger
When my bf and i got into a fight, he said that he had cheated on me. And i could tell right away that it was a lie, i just knew, and i also knew why he lied. Because he wanted to hurt me. Not because he really wanted to hurt me, but because he wanted to know if he could hurt me. You know, loving someone is like giving someone privilege to hurt you. We just hope they dont, i hope that too but people make some stupid decision or whatever. So this time he wanted to test his power i guess? Im not justifying his behaviour. Im just saying. So i acted along. I said "oh my god babe who the fuck is that bitch and how can you do this to meeee" and stormed out. Later that day he called me and said he lied about cheating. I still had to act more because i couldnt say like "ha! I knew that! I know you fucking love me ha!" That would ruin my previous acting and sound like i took him for granted. So i was like "babe... trust is the most important thing...how can i believe you still love me blah blah" to show him that i could be as insecure and heartbroken as he was and my plan totally worked. This happened about 3 years ago and he still doesnt know what i thought back then, and he will never know.
So...whats the point of my comment? Theres no point. I just wanted to write something as soon as i read the title and i havent watched the video yet. Gotta go watch and hear what alain thinks
"how's your home lif-" SHE FOUND FAULT WITH MY CAKE EVERYTHING'S COMING APART
That shit gets old
This life is for loving, sharing, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, helping, dancing, wondering, healing, and even more loving. I choose to live life this way
Misery loves company. Simple as that. Ahh if only it were as simple as that.
Utter selfishness. I have been on the receiving end of this behaviour, with countless 'happy times' including my birthday, a promotion or special days out spoilt that I want out of the relationship now. Watching the pathetic explanation behind this way of acting does not help at all.
Sorry to say that but . Most people after doing an outbreak on the others dont even apologie. And even if they do . They repeat the same mistake Over and Over again. It will come a time that the person will not be able to stand this anymore. Thats why coples part their ways
Wow, this is so true!
I keep seeing this behaviour from one of my parents towards the other. It can be so frustrating to watch and most of the arguments so avoidable. What can I do to help?
@UpinTheClouds Tell the other parent to shut them down right away. Such as "stop lying" or simply "STOP" and walk away if need be.
ice crystal I’m afraid that if I make the parent on the receiving end of this treatment aware while the one actually causing this behaviour remains unaware and becomes all shocked and angrier at the responses, it will be worse.
I was like smiling through the whole video because I realized that I was like watching myself on this video.
I get angry easily every time he does even just a small mistake and I believe that the reason why is that, I really want the reassurance that no matter how bad or moody I am he will still try his best to understand and willing to adjust just to make things better.
@school of life, I love watching your videos! How often did I watch them and find myself in it? You've pointed out each and every single one of my (how it seems) endless flaws, and yet I don't feel uncomfortable by it. Maybe it's because you guys don't do it in a "blaming someone" kind of way. Instead, you remain loving, emphathetic and with a sweet way of showing solutions to a problem.
By watching your videos I learnt so many things about myself, especially that I'm NOT a bad person or a monster, but rather an adult with an emotionally deeply hurt child inside that shows off everytime it feels threatened in any way.
THANK YOU for understanding and for your loving help. I feel like a decent human being again. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
thankfully I have learned to spot these people and remove them from my life
I'm positively surprised by this video. You're usually talking all about making moves and thinking and get the best. But this is different. Although you used the term "make a move" which I wouldn't use this way, it has a noble content. To not see the others as monsters, but rather see the monsters within them and within us. I like that thank you
negativity rises to surface, only when our partners make us reach a certain point of melancholy by their selfish happiness, and putting themselves first even when they know that they are our priority... no one wants to live negative unless he's hurt very, very much
It’s like that saying; misery loves company
The whole point boils down to when you get to the 4min point..They just want to be reassured...If that doesn't work..It's a deeper issue.
lol this is me, avoiding relationships till i better myself cause i do stuff like this
Man I feel like I always find the depressing versions of these school of life videos
It’s official...someone is able to hear my conversations via my phone.
Or, maybe you’re just with an emotional abuser. It depends on the extent that they do it.
whatever you do just don't spoil my favourite show.
what's your favourite show?
@Samuel Woods
good one
he/she dies in season 1/2/3/4/5, episode 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10.
@Samuel Woods did you just assumed the character gender?
Sorry, I certainly didn't intent to.
"Yay, I'm not a psychopath after all!" (said after every School of Life video)
Sadness and anger are just
emotions it takes control of
them to have balance within
This is quite interesting. I've actually been single for a while, but I can certainly notice this dynamic playing out sometimes in my family (between themselves and also between me and them).
I actually never had this one. I am always happy if my partner is happy.
Except for when my partner is happy about something I associate with something negative.
Been on the receiving end of this and it hurts.
Thank you for this!The animation is awesome as usual
Yes yes, the animation is incredibly cute! It makes you feel empathy for both sides and feel compassion for yourself as well. That's the greatness of art!
I Needed this video today.
Sometimes it's so weird that you pass through a tough time and life gives you subtle hints on how to tackle it...
2nd alternative-light up a joint and fight them with some happiness of your own.
This channel, though interesting, is quite exactly the opposite of motivation.
It’s not trying to be realistic, it’s rather quite negative. Though that happens in a factual way, yet it just leaves out the positive aspects on many situations. And it’s remarkable how many videos end on a negative note.
Maybe try to work on that “The School of Life”.
The devil tied up in the car trunk made me laugh so hard! 😂
The School of Life - 2019-02-05
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Tudor Avram - 2019-02-05
Am I the only one that sees the cartoon as being a lill bit sexist!? The discourse is neutral, but the video shows a singe narrative in witch the girl is ”the crazy one” and the boy is ”the ok one”. Maybe in examples where gender is not a topic, you could make the characters neutral or use two concomitant narratives. :D
Prince Anzumagi - 2019-02-05
What is the best course of action when your partner tries to make you sad for these reasons?
Knuckles - 2019-02-05
Beautiful video
Hingle McCringleberry - 2019-02-06
great channel - but please stop autotranslating your titles into the language of the viewer. :/
It is super annoying and disrespectful to international people who watch your videos. Which percentage of international viewers do you think use subtitles in their language? If I watch a video in english, why would I want a german title below it? It is irritating and for others in the worst case I guess it is just clickbaity! I know you think you are doing good with this and google thought this feature through - but they didn't and it really sucks!